GREETINGS, EARTHLINGS.
Alien Monologues: Relationships & Happiness

Life is precious and the humanity of it makes it priceless. You have a beautiful habitat.. The splendid dawn, lush meadows, flowers, birds, the awesome ocean, the rain, the mighty waterfall, the mist, the forests, butterflies, dolphins.. And most importantly, each other.

HAPPINESS is the essence of man’s existence. All his action and decision is directed toward it. Human relationships are fundamental to happiness: The immediate family, the one you are born into is responsible for a quarter of you happiness. The other 3/4th extracts from the new family that you would eventually create, starting out with the life partner you chose.

(However, you query, what about ambition, creativity etc etc. do they not generate happiness ? No. Such things as those only create fulfillment, and the conversion of that fulfillment into happiness necessitates the elements of human relationship. Michael Angelo created the masterpiece of The Creation Of Adam on the Sistine chapel ceiling, and felt satisfied/fulfilled. But he felt ‘happy’ when his lover, who knew nothing about art, kissed him for it)

¼th happiness: Your family, either overtly functional or entirely dysfunctional, is the source of an easy ¼th happiness. Most friction and discord within the family arises from your subconscious tendency to take out your external frustrations on the family, since they are softer, easier, less-retaliating targets. You hate it the most when outbursts or misunderstanding cripple intra family relationships, precisely because these are people who obviously love you, and you love the most. If you employ quarter of the obedience you show your demanding boss, quarter the patience you show your unorganized room-mate, a quarter of the unconditional all-weather love you show your callous lover, to your family, then it guarantees to be mostly smiles on your home front.

3/4^th happiness: Evidently, most of you think Romantic Love is a pain in the spine. Guy or Girl, Man or Woman, You just don’t seem to get it. It should be the simplest of procedures; Boy meets Girl, They Like things (physical or mental, spiritual or materialistic, real or imagined) about each other. They fall in Love - They start to live happily ever-after. But invariably they don’t. The tears, the aches, the sulks, the grouches, the insomnia; anger, hate mails, assassination plans, are all testimony to something seriously flawed in this seemingly simple linear formulae.

So what goes wrong? First, the key word: Like. They meet, they Like things about each other..

Honestly gauge if you have the maturity to reliably and consistently know your likes and dislikes. (If not, sorry, get back to sighing at posters of Hrithik Roshan, and await your time. It will come). List out what you realistically like of a would-be partner, ideally more in the context of your future family (even your children) than of yourself personally, now. The more affinity your partner has to your list, the higher the probability of a successful relationship. If you are unsure, wait until you find out for sure. If the love that sprouts is a result of the many things you mutually like and agree on, it is bound to be durable, and the life that follows, less unhappy.

But then i hear tiny adolescent voices.. Should we wait endlessly and deprive ourselves of the breathless 'rush' of our first crush, the insomniac, smiling-mumbling -to-self of the first i-love-u; the heady ecstasy of the stolen first kiss/squeeze.., those things like these which we would remember with a lip-biting secret smile for the rest of our lives ?? And i say - go right ahead, full steam. BUT only know them for what they are, that these are passing fancies and phases of growing up. Just dont delude yourself into thinking they are much-more, and readily reach for the blade when he refuses to answer your call, or look up the net to order a Smith & Wessons Magnum500 when she seems to flirt with the school athlete.

And I hear older exasperated voices .. Love is blind. Knows no reason.. I have only caution to offer such voices: No. Not in these trying times. Not these days when so much is at stake, when so much can go so easily wrong; so much time wasted, minds permanently scarred, and entire lives ruined. Not these days when relationships are run less on adulation and more on shrewd pragmatism.. All your life you have dreamt of the finest chiffon. If one day you see a cloth of dazzle and color, tarry a moment in examination, lest you be stuck with a garment that tears at every stretch and bleeds in every drizzle.

To those in fulfilling relationships: Treasure what you have. Its precious yet fragile. Very often, human insecurity oozes destructive emotions that curdle a good blend. Nurture the bond. Nourish it. Protect it from your negative self. More relationships wilt due to the poison that brews within, than from the evil that lurks without. You constantly hear of relationships falling apart, so it would be prudent of you to do ALL it takes to keep yours together, if you have a good thing going.

The thought, the fantasy, that there is something beyond you, something better than what’s around you, better than what you already got, that could make you happier, perpetuates a voracity, a false anticipation and needless anxiety. The quest to seek out this mirage dissipates too much energy and devours too much time, both of which are in critical shortage in your lifetime. Most things in life are a given even if your option to exercise choice on them seems to exist.

Lucky are the few who find true Love at first attempt. To those who come out of bad relationships, bitter and bruised - ENFORCE CLOSURE. Discard the past association, swiftly, in entirety. Cleanse and sterilize your heart and mind of the old. Life strangely does offer second chances, if you dissociate totally from the past. The key is total closure. Do it, after all your life depends on it. Start afresh, as good as new, without prejudice or rancor.

Here, my beloved, I offer a recipe to that what you so desperately crave yet what eludes you the most.. Take it with a pinch of salt. Love, Happiness and Peace on your Earth.

May this New Year be different from the old.
HAPPY NEW YEAR